Sally – friends far away
When a dear friend lost her baby she was on one side of the world and I was on the other. When she let me know I was about 7 months pregnant. I remember wondering what I could possibly do being so far away and in my current state.
It was important to remember that in those first few days it could have been easy to shy away from making contact for fear of saying something wrong. For me it really came down to what sort of friend I would need in my life if I were to experience a similar situation and whether or not I was prepared to be that friend.
The hardest part was picking up the phone – but friendships run deeper than we ever imagine, that there are no words that change the sadness, that just making contact can make a difference in that friend’s life, in that moment.
It feels like grief is made up of waves of unbearable pain, numbing tiredness, anger and a whole bunch of other emotions thrown into the mix. It’s unpredictable and relentless. Because of this it feels like there is never a good time to be there.
You don’t know where your friend will be in the waves of grief so its best just to jump in with them and do your best to hold onto yourself and throw and arm around them too, knowing grief will crash over and dump you all over again.
It is never easy seeing a friend go through so much pain. It sometimes reminds you of your own painful experiences in life and comforting someone else can be a challenge, but the great beauty of this is that friendships become deeper and happy moments in life become sweeter by sharing the tough times.
My friend eventually went on to give birth to a beauty baby girl full of life and vigour.
I remember receiving the news as we were attending a funeral of a very dear friend who died at the age of 36 leaving three young children behind.
In that moment of grief for us was wonderful respite of the gift of life in the form of a text from the other side of the world.
That moment got me through that funeral.
I will always be grateful to my friend for sharing her news with me, in that moment.